I’m A Fraud

It was 6:30 am, a chilly Friday morning in Newport Beach. David, my husband, was out of town so I was the surf coach for the day. One by one, kids jogged by checking in and making their way into the water for Surf Team Practice. I certainly looked official with a camera in hand attempting to film as many waves as I could. I would send it to the team later to work on their forms and prep for the upcoming competition. But internally, there was a battle going on in my mind. Why in the world am I here? Couldn’t David find a better replacement? Most of these kids surf way better than I could ever dream of and they are asking me questions! I am a fraud, an imposter! 

That morning I had a plan. I would imitate everything Coach David does and painfully power through it. I approached the practice as if I needed to be just like him and follow his structure perfectly. This only led me to a terrible feeling of inadequacy and confusion. Who am I kidding? I showed up 10 minutes late, I had already long missed the mark. I stopped, prayed, and asked God what He wanted the practice to look like. 

In Ephesians 5:1-2, God encourages us “to be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” I needed to stop being David and who God created David to be, and start being the reflection of Christ and what God wants me to be.

So often we do this in our Christian walk. We see other “superstar” Christians and try to fit ourselves into their mold. But when we put those different masks on, it never fits quite right. We end up feeling like a fraud, an imposter Christian putting on an act. And while it’s ok to look up to people, there is only one person we should be imitating and that is Christ.

That morning on the beach when I shifted my perspective from trying to be David to emulating Christ, I realized I was there for a reason. That morning was not about surf. God had placed me there to have some heavy conversations with students. My short-lived career as a surf coach may have ended, but that wasn’t who God created me to be. He wanted me to be a genuine reflection of Him that morning to some hurting teenagers, to be a loving and fragrant reflection of Christ. 

Image by Tim Marshall